


i'm only steady on my knees

by lazyfish



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Royalty, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29489190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyfish/pseuds/lazyfish
Summary: There are perils to being in love with a king.
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Bobbi Morse
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	i'm only steady on my knees

“Where you go, I will go.” Bobbi’s mouth went dry, but nonetheless she continued. “Where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your battle will be my battle. Your heart will be my heart.” 

Those watching in the throne room paid no heed to the extra clause she had added to her oath of fealty - it was custom, when a lord had a particular allegiance to his king that he added a phrase that reflected the depth of their relationship - but Bobbi saw in the king’s eyes that he heard everything she couldn’t say to him.

“Do you accept this oath?” the vicar asked Mack.

“No.”

His voice rang out cold and clear, and Bobbi’s heart sank.

“My lords, if you would permit me a moment alone with Lady Barbara.” 

The lords assembled in the throne room for the ceremony grumbled and groused, but they departed nonetheless, unable to ignore a request from their king. Bobbi didn’t stand - she remained kneeling in front of Mack, her head bowed and her shoulders hunched.

“Do I mean so little to you, my king, that you will not even allow me this?” she asked, trying not to let her voice break despite the aching in her chest.

“Barbara,” he said, voice gentle. The fabric of his cape rustled around him as he knelt in front of her, and a protest caught in Bobbi’s throat. He was a king - he should kneel for no one, not even…

Not even the woman he loved.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered. “I know why we can’t be married, Mack, but I don’t understand why you won’t let me do this for you.”

Mack’s hands caressed her face and Bobbi finally forced herself to look up at him. He looked back at her unflinchingly with the same kind brown eyes she had fallen in love with years ago. It wasn’t fair that of everyone in the world the one who had captivated her so completely was the one she couldn’t have.

“It wouldn’t be fair of me to send you off to battle with my other knights,” Mack murmured, running a thumb along the line of her cheek. “I wouldn’t care if they were destroyed so long as you came home to me. I wouldn’t care for anything except for you coming home to me, and I can’t… I can’t do that.”

“You can,” Bobbi insisted, heart tugging.

“I can’t.” Mack leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. “I cannot lie with you and send you into war wondering if you carry my babe in your belly. I cannot give you my heart and let you ride away with it to places unknown.” He sighed, deep and shuddering. “I’m not strong enough, Barbara.”

“Then I can stay here,” Bobbi said. “I can be a part of your guard, I can protect you, I -”

“I won’t let you trade your life for mine.”

“It’s not about what you’ll _let_ me do, Alphonso,” Bobbi snapped, pulling back from him. “You love me but you don't own me!”

“I know I don’t. I _know_ I don’t,” Mack repeated, sighing. “You know how much I’ve given up to be a good king. But you - you’re the one person I can’t live without Barbara, the one thing I can’t give up. It terrifies me that someone could figure that out, could use you to get to me, could destroy you to destroy me.”

“I just -” Bobbi shook her head. “I love you, too. But I wish I could…”

“Do everything you wanted?”

Bobbi swallowed hard. Mack wasn’t allowed to do everything - or anything, really - he wanted, and he shouldered that burden without complaint. 

“If it’s too much, I understand.”

“Mack…” she sighed, running her hand down the back of his head. “I don’t want to leave you.” Even if it was hard, even if it frustrated her to no end, this life was the one she wanted. Mack was the one she wanted. He had taken her heart in his hands and she couldn’t imagine ever asking for it back.

“I’m trying,” Mack whispered. “I’m trying to get the council to see things my way, but…”

“If the price is too high to pay, I understand.”

“That’s not what I meant, Barbara.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t want to make a deal with the devil without knowing when he’ll need his dues. I don’t want our child to have their choice taken away because I get mine.”

“You are an excellent king,” Bobbbi whispered, “and an excellent man. But I can’t wait to see you as a father.” That he cared so much for a child that was still a twinkle in their eyes was evidence of that.

“I just need you to be patient for a little while longer,” Mack said. He pulled back, tipping Bobbi’s chin up so he could look her in the eyes. “If by year’s end there is still no solution, you can take matters into your own hands in any way you wish. But I want to try one more time to do things my way.”

Bobbi pressed her lips together and cast her gaze downwards in an effort to hide her disappointment. “Yes, Your Highness.”

“Hey.” Mack said gently, pulling her eyes back up to him. “I’m still your Mack.”

Bobbi nodded. She didn’t flinch away when Mack pressed his lips to hers; instead she leaned into it. She wanted this always, the easy intimacy of being together without anyone else watching. If they were husband and wife they could at least steal more moments without having to be secretive about it.

“My Mack,” she repeated, kissing him again. “Always.”

“Always.” He squeezed their clasped hands in a silent promise. “What do you want me to tell the vicar?”

“Whatever you want.” Maybe one day the truth would come out and everyone would look back on this day and realize why Mack had refused her oath of fealty - but maybe not. Bobbi didn’t care what others thought.

“I could tell him we’re married,” Mack said, a teasing smile lighting up his face. “Then the council would have to concede.”

“The devil and his dues, my love.” Bobbi snatched another kiss off Mack’s lips before a frown could overtake them. 

“Right.” Mack sighed, and for that half-second Bobbi could see the weight of everything on his shoulders. All she wanted was to help him bear the burden; as his wife, she could do that. As his wife, she could do everything she couldn’t do now but wanted to, desperately.

“We should get up off the floor,” Bobbi said. Her knees were beginning to ache; armor was not meant to be struck against hard stone for so long. She couldn’t imagine Mack in his finery was faring any better.

“We should.” Mack took a long, slow breath. “But I don’t want to.”

Bobbi understood; here, kneeling on the floor, they were equals. He was not above her, she was not beneath him. They were not king and failed knight; they were Bobbi and Mack. It was rare they ever got to strip themselves bare like this. Even when they were naked in bed, they were never truly _naked_.

Another item to add to the list of why she wished she could be his wife. Then he could let his guard down around her and no one would question the wisdom of letting her in. She would be allowed - _expected_ , even - to be the one who supported him emotionally. She would be allowed to hold him, allowed to touch him -

Damnit. She shouldn’t have let her thoughts wander away like that. Hoping just made it hurt more.

“I’ll go first,” Bobbi said, slowly levering herself to her feet.

Mack didn’t move except to tip his head forward against her stomach. Bobbi caressed the back of his head gently, her thumb rubbing a small circle into the delicate skin of his scalp. 

She pretended not to hear the sob catch in his throat.

“I’m waiting, Mack,” she said quietly when a minute later he still hadn’t joined her. She wanted to give him all the time in the world, but she couldn’t. She could practically feel the impatience radigating from the other side of the throne room doors. The people needed their king more than Bobbi needed her Mack right now. She had gotten her time, and she would hold onto his promise until she could have him again.

“I love you,” Mack said as he stood.

“I know.”

One last kiss, and then he was off to throw the doors open again. It would have been nice, to spend forever with just the two of them, but -

Such was the weight of a crown. 


End file.
